I've just gone through an incredibly difficult season of my life. Having two littles is apparently not something I excel at! :) Throw in financial stress on my husband and life in a third world country and life has been a bit cray-cray!!
I know I have a maid but (for example) I don't have a washing machine. It died about six weeks ago. There's one dryer to share amongst ten of us. And in the rainy season where things don't dry out on the line very quickly coupled with laundry that has been hand-wrung for a spin cycle, uh...a load in the dryer takes twice as long. This means that when your two year old has a nasty glandular and ear infection and throws up everywhere, your laundry is simply overwhelming. (ugh) You have to scrub out your laundry by hand on a Sunday night so the maid can concentrate on the mountain of towels that rivals Mt. Kilimanjaro and the mats that you have sprinkled over your (lucky you!) stone floors. Good thing THOSE wash easily!
Then, just as soon as your two year old finishes her round of antibiotics, your seven month old breaks out in conjunctivitis. Yay!! Now the inner germy freakazoid that has been surpressed since living here comes out in full force and every single surface gets washed with bleach water. Forbid that anyone else should get the dreaded pink eye!
BUT YOU HAVE A MAID, people scream in the States. Ha! Well, my trusty girl is on maternity leave and I have a cheeky replacement that causes trouble with the other girls about once a week. She leaves work early, sometimes hides from her duties, insults the other girls (which is a very big deal here in their culture), and sometimes even tries her hand at stealing from you. Yay! Cute, isn't it?
I have really been struggling to find the good in anything in life. It's terrible. I'm terrible (the Devil screams in my ear). I know there's worse situations that others have dealt with but life has felt absolutely insurmountable lately. I want my visit to the States to be NOW. I'd really love to go to a clean grocery store with a variety of vegetables and fruit and push a cart that actually works. I'd love to stop offending everyone. Hey, I'd just like to be a pleasant person again!
Here's a few things I'm learning and maybe they'll be a blessing to you. (I didn't say...I have learned - meaning: completed. I *am* learning - meaning: in progress.)
1. STOP listening to the Devil. He hates you. You are God's child. God is working in you (Philippians 1:6) and therefore you are the Devil's enemy. Find your identity in Christ. Feelings of worthlessness? Treasure the Scriptures for inward strength.
2. Let the LORD fight for you. Interpersonal problems with others? "For the Lord is (my) judge, the Lord is (my) lawgiver, the Lord is (my) king; HE will save (me)." Isaiah 33:22. He is the Judge. He is the Lawgiver. He is the King. I am the subject. And the pronoun the Bible uses is "our". So, God is Judge, Lawgiver, and King for all of us!! Therefore, problems are out of our hands. They are in His hands.
3. STOP, and I mean, STOP comparing yourself to others. Social media is amazing. I love it!! It's good for so so so many reasons. But how easy is it to fall into the compare trap? I consider it a successful morning if I brush my teeth, shower, read my Bible, AND eat breakfast by 11 am. Rarely do all four of those boxes get ticked each morning. II Corinthians 10:12b, "...but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise."
I could title the above picture: my favorite afternoon activities - lifting weights and reading a book on American history. But the reality is:
Favorite thing: fingers!
Sisters, let's all be kind to one another. You never know the inward battles being fought behind the closed doors of someone's heart. Do you see the Mom who looks all polished but brushes friendship aside? Yep. I bet she could use someone to burst through the doors of kindness and say - hey! I'm here to help you. You're not alone in your feelings of worthlessness. Do you see the Mom who drops her kid off at church nursery early with the diaper bag full of crum, not a change of clothes for the blow out and the car seat crusted in spit up? Hug her. She's had a rough week. Do you see the Mom who is so forgetful you think she's thrown her brain out with the baby's bath water? Yah. She's also looking for her brain and is so frustrated that she just...can't...get it.....together.
I have two goals with my social media: to stay up to date with my family and friends and to portray how good (great!) life is here. But I never want you all to think that my life is just peachy-keen, squeaky-clean, perfect and easy. It's not. That's why I wanted to share a little of the downside and how GOD is teaching me to triumph. I haven't been triumphing lately. I've been surviving. But with God's help, there's gonna be some triumphing going on over here!!